Make Friends With Your Fear

As an entrepreneur, I have found myself repeatedly butting up against my fears. I get right to the edge. That place where I feel a bit of terror as if I might fall down a cliff into the abyss. Obviously, that has never happened. It is simply the FEAR saying I am going into a place of discomfort - unknown territory. Of course it feels frightening. 

It makes sense if you think about it - our business is essentially an extension of ourself. So when we experience resistance or ‘stuckness,’ it’s very easy to take personally. There are so many components involved in creating a business, and it can’t be done with a wiggle of the nose like Samantha from Bewitched. 

As therapists you may have heard the following acronyms for FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real and Face Everything And Run. I frequently remind myself of this when I am embarking on new directions within my businesses. 

I think these reminders are important because it’s easy to view fear as something that is here to punish us or to provide evidence that we’ve done something wrong. We all know everyone feels fear at times, yet it’s very difficult to embrace it as part of the process. Too often we have expectations for all to flow smoothly, and as soon as there is a hiccup, we use that as confirmation that we were not really deserving of the goal for which we were striving. We allow that fear to then define who we are. This is also known as confirmation bias - seeking out evidence to support a belief. 

Fear tries to hijack our brains when we are setting out to try something new. It would rather us stay in the comfortably uncomfortable zone than take the risk of realizing that which has not been done before. This is something that we often speak with our clients about, and may need a reminder to take a dose of our own medicine. I know I have on more than one occasion. 

When we identify with the fear, and use it to confirm judgement of ourselves, that gives it a chance to make a home within our mind. First it just crashes on the couch in the living room up there, but pretty soon it’s calling an interior decorator with big plans to redo the kitchen. 

Let’s not let fear take up residence!

Out there in the uncomfortable zone is where growth happens! 

My tip is to embrace the fear.

I know many of you are metaphorically-minded creative therapists, so I have found that a very useful tool to handle fear is to personify it - really give it an image in your mind’s eye. Get into a safe and nurturing atmosphere, and allow the fears presence to arrive. Then have a conversation with it. A lot of people do this by journaling or creating art, but it’s also an option to just talk out loud if no one’s around. I have found that when you have a conversation with fear, I find that this whole time it was holding something for me. 

It really wants to keep us small, secure and safe. Being an entrepreneur requires us to be bigger than we have even asked ourselves to be. To be visible. To be judged. To be criticized. To be disliked. To ...dun dun dun...FAIL!  Fear doesn't want this for us. Yet, to do business we must be seen. We must be visible. We must be open to helpful feedback. We must learn to enjoy the process of risking failure. 

On a side note, I chose to look at lack of success as market research. The only time I fail is when I have an idea that has been taking  shape within me, percolating, incubating and I never give birth to it. That to me is failure! I never gave that idea a fighting chance. 

You see fear tries to keep us safe until the moment that we are ready to accept responsibility for our own growth, potential and creative powers. Yes, P O W E R S! 

Sometimes fear is keeping us nervous because the responsibility of having confidence feels overwhelming. For example, if we were too shy to give an important public speaking gig, even though it would be good for marketing our business, fear is there to prevent us from experiencing panic, anxiety, embarrassment or public humiliation. 

Total confession - before my first 3 hour presentation I had a panic attack in the bathroom. I used the skills I teach others to regulate my nervous system back to a state of homeostasis and then did the training - perspiring the entire way through. But, I did it! You can too!

So thank your fear, step into the place where you are ready to assume responsibility to support yourself, and invite it to dissipate. It will. It may return, but with practice you'll learn to get excited when it shows up rather than want to go into hibernation mode. 

Fear doesn’t want to stay. 

Now you are empowered to do what it takes to support yourself so that your nervousness subsides. If public speaking was your hang-up, you might hire a speaking coach, binge-watch ‘how-to’ YouTube videos on public speaking, and gather a small group of friends to allow you to give a trial run. Work with it! 

The point is that fear is not your enemy, it is just information that points toward dark places of yourself that are in some need of extra attention and self-compassion.

Lock arms with fear and allow it to be a beacon pulling you towards the vision for your life and business.

Notice it.

Feel it.

And move ahead with your plans anyway! 

Any change we enact within our business has the potential to bring up fears. But without them, our businesses might grow stale, old and lose their vitality. 

Your business is a living breathing entity. And as all living breathing things, it must grow and evolve. For when it stops growing and evolving, it begins to return to the space of lack of form - disintegration and dissolution. 

If you find yourself stuck to move ahead in your business because fear is stopping you in your tracks, book a clarity session with me.

I have single sessions available, a mini-package or an extended support package. Together we can break through the mindset blocks so you can take the action steps necessary to bring your vision into reality. 

Here is what one of my most recent consultation clients had to say about their experience: 

"It was so helpful to speak out loud my deepest fears about my business and even myself as a clinician, and know that I would be completely and 100% validated, supported, and heard. Reina helped me identify the invisible wall which was holding me back from actually taking my dream into reality. And not only that, she gave me three specific and achievable steps that I could take next. This session moved me out of my feeling of paralyzed overwhelm and into a space of positive action. I would highly recommend working with Reina. She brings clarity, experience, and her full self into each moment. I can’t wait to take the next step!"